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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Study: ‘Not All Mennonites Are Dicks’

August 13, 2018 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON A new study from the University of Waterloo-Kitchener-Cambridge has revealed that, contrary to popular opinion, “not all Mennonites are Dicks.” “Far from it,” said study organizer Dr. Lehman. “In fact, if you include […]

Unger & Thirst

Three Hours Later, Mennonite Man Still Working on that Piece of Chokecherry Pie

August 12, 2018 Andrew

ROSETOWN, MB Late last night Mennonite man, Samuel Fehr, 35,  was spotted at a Rosetown picnic shelter working his way through a piece of Oma’s chokecherry pie. Authorities intevened when Fehr was still there after […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Beached on the Shores of Lake Winnipeg

August 11, 2018 Andrew

LAKE WINNIPEG, MB A 43-year-old man from over by Reinland somewheres was found beached on the shores of Lake Winnipeg this weekend. Thankfully locals were able to keep him hydrated with Rogers Golden Syrup while […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Folklorama Pavilion the Only One Without Booze or Dancing

August 10, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Folklorama, Winnipeg’s annual celebration of the city’s cultural diversity, is known for bringing the sights, tastes, and sounds of the world to the good people of Manitoba. The infamous Mennonite Pavilion, however, has […]

Unger Games

Elderly Mennonite Woman Picks Off Johnny Manziel Four Times in CFL Debut

August 9, 2018 Andrew

MONTREAL, QC The Hamilton Tigercats were so confident in their ability to stop controversial former college star Johnny Manziel this week that they decided to bring in an elderly Mennonite woman on defence. And, boy, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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