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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Steinbachers ‘Super Excited’ to Finally Have Some Sort of Prohibition Once Again

October 25, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After decades of being the only community in Manitoba to ban alcohol sales, Steinbach has felt a little out-of-sorts since the first liquor store opened in 2009. So, this October, as Canada legalized […]

Unger Suspicion

Portage and Main Barricades to be Moved to Main and Brandt

October 24, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB It seems that Steinbach has taken a cue from it’s larger neighbour to the north and has decided to barricade Main and Brandt and force pedestrians to cross the intersection through poorly-lit pathways […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach City Council Candidate Reveals Shocking DNA Test Results

October 23, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local city council candidate Mr. Harder decided to take a DNA test this week after being called a “Lutheran” by one of his political rivals. The rival, Mr. Dyck, said he would donate […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Children Horrified as Grandpa Takes a Bite out of ‘Petunia Rhubarb’

October 21, 2018 Andrew

REINLAND, MB The Brandt kids were settling in for a nice lunch with Grandma and Grandpa, when things got a little awkward. Grandma came into the house and presented the children with a lovely array […]

The Daily Bonnet

New TV Show ‘Cash Buggy’ Offers Riders a Chance to Win Money While on the Way to Church

October 20, 2018 Andrew

ST. JACOBS, ON A new spin-off of the popular TV show ‘Cash Cab’ offers conservative Mennonites and Amish the chance to answer a few trivia questions and win a bit of money on their way […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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