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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

‘Knipsbrat and Chill???’: Mennonite Woman Receives Late Night Text

April 16, 2019 Andrew

YARROW, BC Helen Poetker, 47, of Yarrow, BC received an unusual text from her on-again off-again boyfriend Heinrich this past week. The text, which was sent sometime after 1 in the morning said, “Been a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Dating Site Guarantees a Menno Match!

April 15, 2019 Andrew

The folks at Mennodate use sophisticated algorithms to guarantee a suitable match. All you have to do is answer a few simple questions and you’ll find love in no time. Here’s a sample of some […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Could Recognize Mrs. Dueck’s Buns Anywhere

April 14, 2019 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB Mrs. Dueck’s buns are so easily recognizable that Mrs. Unger could immediately identify them at the church bake sale this past week. “She doesn’t even need to put her name on them,” said […]

Unger & Thirst

Children Not So Happy After Dad Drives Off with Happy Meals on the Roof of His Car

April 14, 2019 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Mr. Earl Penner had some explaining to do after he inadvertently drove off with the kid’s Happy Meals on the roof of his car. “I came home and I was, like, ‘Well, we’ve […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Excommunicated for Leaking ‘Game of Thrones’ Spoilers

April 13, 2019 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Somehow, Mrs. Driedger of Fresno got herself an early screener of the entire next season of HBO’s Game of Thrones and, in her unbridled excitement, proceeded to spoil absolutely everything on Twitter this […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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