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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Local Phone Book Now Offered Exclusively in Large Print

May 27, 2019 Andrew

STEINWERK, MB The annual local phone book will now be available exclusively in large print. The change is seen as a way of catering to the only demographic that still actually uses phone books. “The town […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man with Pickup Truck Constantly Asked to Help Move

May 25, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local pickup truck owner Keith Dueck, 33, is going to be pretty busy this summer moving all his friends to their new homes. “I’m pretty booked up,” said Dueck. “I guess that’s what […]

Unger Suspicion

Menno Simons to be Featured in New XBox Game

May 24, 2019 Andrew

REDMOND, WA Anabaptist leader Menno Simons will be featured in a new XBox game aimed at getting more Mennonite teenagers to play video games. “This is the first game we’ve ever made that features absolutely no […]

The Daily Bonnet

Porch Swing Launches Mennonite Grandma into Neighbour’s Yard

May 23, 2019 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mrs. Penner was sent flying into the Goosen’s yard last night after an overly vigorous session on the porch swing. “Oba, I was out tending the BBQ and I looked up and what […]

The Daily Bonnet

“I’ll be there for sex”: Mennonite Man’s Text Gives the Wrong Impression

May 22, 2019 Andrew

VANKLA, MB Local man Corny Klassen, 63, texted his friend Abe explaining that he’d be at his house for six o’clock to pick up the chickens. Unfortunately, Abe got the wrong impression from the message. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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