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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Vinegar Feeling ‘Severely Neglected’ as Jason Kenney Spends All His Time on Oil

June 1, 2019 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Representatives from the vinegar industry are feeling pretty darn neglected as Alberta Premier Jason Kenney seems to be spending all his time defending oil. “He’s just oil this and oil that. I get […]

The Daily Bonnet

M.P. Reads Daily Bonnet Headlines in House of Commons

May 31, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Okay, like, for real. On May 28, Hon. Candice Bergen, Member of Parliament for Portage-Lisgar, spoke in support of a motion to establish a Mennonite Heritage Week. During her speech, she discussed various […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Awarded Top Prize in Annual Southern Manitoba Flower Festival

May 30, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Competition has been fierce this spring, but Mrs. Epp of Steinbach has come out on top at the annual Southern Manitoba Flower Festival. “I heard there were about 1.3 million competitors this year,” […]

Unger Suspicion

Philippines to Canada: “We Don’t Want Your Trash!”

May 29, 2019 Andrew

MANILA, PHILIPPINES In recent days, Malaysia has joined the Philippines in denouncing Canada and demanding that Justin Bieber be returned to North America. “We’re sick and tired of Canada sending us all their unwanted trash,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Sells His Toronto Raptors Seat to Buy $400,000 Combine

May 28, 2019 Andrew

TORONTO, ON It was an offer he couldn’t refuse. When Mr. Wiens was offered almost half a million dollars for his court-side seat to Thursday’s game one of the NBA Finals in Toronto, it was […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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