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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Seniors Destroy Team of Youngsters on Pickleball Court

September 26, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The team of Peter Heppner, 78, and Lois Brandt, 81, totally destroyed some young novices on the pickleball court at the Seniors Centre this week. “No one beats a Mennonite senior at pickleball,” […]

Unger Suspicion

16-Year-Old Swede Tops Canadian Election Poll

September 24, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Even though her age and citizenship currently make her ineligible to run for office, it seems that the vast majority of Canadians prefer Greta Thunberg to any of the other candidates for Prime […]

Unger Suspicion

Former Manitobans Now Outnumber Albertans in Alberta

September 23, 2019 Andrew

CALGARY, AB A new report from the government of Alberta indicates that former Manitobans are the largest identifiable group in the province. “There are more ex-pat Manitobans than Alberta-born Albertans,” said premier Jason Kenney. “We’re […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Waters Down Her Ketchup to Make it Last

September 22, 2019 Andrew

BLUMENHOF, MB Mrs. Plett decided to add three cups of water to her bottle of ketchup and “bring that stuff back to life.” The practice of watering down ketchup has strong roots in the Mennonite […]

Unger Conviction

Time Between Ceremony and Reception Extended to Torture Wedding Guests

September 21, 2019 Andrew

JANSEN, NE Guests at the Reimer-Claassen wedding this weekend were treated to a torturous five-hour gap between the ceremony and reception so that the couple could “take pictures.” “There’s nothing to do out here. We’re […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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