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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Mennonites Inspire Tesla to Release ‘New Improved’ Cybertruck

November 28, 2019 Andrew

PALO ALTO, CA After a disastrous launch that saw two windows shattered and a design that was universally mocked as looking like a cast-off from the 1980s, Telsa owner Elon Musk consulted with a Mr. […]

Unger Suspicion

Cheech & Chong Heading Straight for Niverville

November 27, 2019 Andrew

NIVERVILLE, MB After hearing the results of the recent cannabis plebiscite in the Mennonite town of Niverville, Cheech & Chong loaded up their VW van and hope to be in town by this weekend. “We’ll […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Demands Quackery be Covered By Provincial Health Insurance

November 26, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local woman Mrs. Dueck, 57, of North Kildonan has racked up more than $15,000 over the past couple years in quackery bills and says it’s time the provincial government covers the cost. “They […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Arrested for Stealing Her Neighbour’s Ham

November 25, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local woman, Sush Janzen, has been arrested by Steinbach RCMP this week for allegedly stealing her neighbour’s schinkjefleesch and threatening a police officer with her cane yet. “He says that I salted him,” […]

Unger Suspicion

Entire Province of Manitoba to Call in Sick Tomorrow

November 24, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After the Winnipeg Blue Bombers ended a 29 year drought and won the 2019 Grey Cup on Sunday, not a single person in the entire province of Manitoba plans to show up to […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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