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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

$10 Billion Business Deal Inked in Mennonite Church Lobby

October 9, 2019 Andrew

KLEINESCHANTZ, SK Mr. Thiessen and Mr. Klassen just signed a massive $10 billion business deal in the local Mennonite church lobby this past Sunday. The deal is the third largest business deal ever signed in […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Cleans House Just Before Cleaning Lady Arrives

October 8, 2019 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Mrs. Stobbe, 67, of Abbotsford was in a panic this morning to get her house in order for the arrival of her cleaning lady Gertrude. “Gotta make sure this place is spick and […]

Unger & Thirst

Green Party Photoshops Yerba Mate into Elizabeth May’s Hand

October 7, 2019 Andrew

SIDNEY, BC The Green Party admitted in a press conference this week to having altered a photo of leader Elizabeth May to make it look like she was consuming yerba mate from a gourd. The […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach Residents Petition City to Build Massive 640 Acre Parking Lot Downtown

October 7, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB A consortium of concerned citizens has petitioned city council to abandon their plans for a state-of-the-art events centre downtown and instead build a massive 640 acre parking lot. “I’m hoping this gets approval, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Flock to Get their Hands on $65 Elton John T-Shirts

October 5, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Mennonites were crowding the hallways at the Bell MTS Place last night to get their hands on some $65 Elton John T-Shirts. “Oba, yo! Oh, look, a hoodie for $125 and for just […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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