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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Passport Now Required to Visit Jantsied

January 28, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Authorities at the border crossing in Rosenort have just announced that starting next month Mennonites will be required to show a valid passport when entering Jantsied. The announcement was met with fierce opposition […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Confesses that Ruehrei is the Only Thing He Can Cook

January 27, 2020 Andrew

BLUMENHOF, MB Mr. Unger, 51, of Blumenhof has been making a delicious serving of ruehrei once a week for the past thirty-two years and his wife Wilma has had enough of it already. “Diewel, that man! […]

The Daily Bonnet

Unseasonable Warmth Has Mennonites Flocking to the Pits

January 26, 2020 Andrew

HOCHSTEIN, MB As temperatures have risen well above freezing this week, Mennonites across southern Manitoba have been flocking to the local gravel pits for a swim. “Kjnels, don’t forget the zoat!” yelled Jakob Krahn, as […]

Unger Suspicion

Harry and Meghan Spotted at Hutterite Colony

January 25, 2020 Andrew

ELK RIDGE COLONY, AB Megxit has taken a new turn this week after Prince Harry and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, were spotted plucking turkeys at a local Hutterite colony. “Meghan caught on really fast,” said […]

Unger Suspicion

Man Who Desperately Needs Life Coach to Become Life Coach

January 24, 2020 Andrew

AKRON, PA Local man Dwayne Funk, 41, who has spent the last 20 years of adult life doing absolutely nothing of worth and whose life is still, to this day, just barely hanging on by […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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