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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Jets Already Down Three Games to None after Opening Faceoff

May 19, 2021 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Just moments into the first period of game one, the Edmonton Oilers were already up three games to none on the lowly Winnipeg Jets. “Well, that wraps up the first period of play […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Friends Every Single Friesen, Reimer, and Plett on Facebook

May 18, 2021 Andrew

LANDMARK, MB Diane Thiessen, 31, was just taking a jog around the Landmark Feeds building this weekend, when she decided to stop and friend request just a few more Friesen, Reimers, and Pletts. “I couldn’t […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Convinced New Pfizer Shot Gives Him More Stamina During Meddachschlop

May 17, 2021 Andrew

ROSENORT, MB Gordon Klassen, 49, of Rosenort was very excited to get the new Pfizer shot and is absolutely convinced it has had some added benefits. “Besides just preventing me from getting Covid, I get […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Thrills Wife with Fleeting Half-Assed Massage

May 16, 2021 Andrew

YARROW, BC Tim Driedger, 43, of Yarrow showed his appreciation for his lovely wife Susan this afternoon with a brief shoulder rub, while on his way to the couch. “Happy Birthday,” said Tim, giving Susan’s […]

Unger Suspicion

‘Mainstream Media Can’t be Trusted’ Says Area Man Who Gets All His Information from Memes

May 15, 2021 Andrew

ELKHART, IN A local man who gets all his information from memes he sees on social media has publicly declared that he has absolutely no use for “mainstream media.” “Ach, they’re all biased,” said Mr. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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