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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Joel Wiens Stadium Replaces Reimer Stadium (Yes, this is real and, no, it’s not in Manitoba)

February 15, 2021 Andrew

HILLSBORO, KS Residents of southern Manitoba were mortified to discover that the Mennonites of Kansas had one-upped them in naming stuff after Nikkels, Wienses and Reimers. “Waut de schissjat is going on down there at […]

The Daily Bonnet

The Seven Hottest Mennonite Sex Positions

February 14, 2021 Andrew

Need to spice up your love life? Look no further than the Mennonites! It’s the worst kept secret in the world: Mennonites are near the top when it comes to love-making. How else do you […]

The Daily Bonnet

Lineup Outside Newly Reopened Dollar Store Stretches All the Way from Winkler to Steinbach

February 13, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER or STEINBACH, MB As stores offering non-essential items such as helium balloons, cotton swabs, colourful napkins, and hair ties reopen in Manitoba, the lineup outside dollar stores has grown to enormous lengths. So long […]

Unger Conviction

Yet Another Mennonite Church Split Blamed on Yoko Ono

February 12, 2021 Andrew

R.M. of HANOVER, MB It’s another day and another church in southern Manitoba is breaking up, but rather than do some serious internal soul searching to find the source of the problem, church members have […]

Unger Suspicion

Famed Novelist John Steinbach to Release New Novel ‘Of Mice and Menno’

February 11, 2021 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Famed novelist and Fresno Pacific University graduate John Steinbach is hoping to upstage his rival from Salinas with the release of his new novel Of Mice and Menno. “Of Mice and Menno tells the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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