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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Aging Mennonites Switch from Dutch Blitz to Skip Bo

May 1, 2022 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK After years of wearing out their finger joints playing Dutch Blitz, Mr. and Mrs. Unger of Saskatoon have decided to “take things easy a little and play Skip Bo from now on.” “It’s […]

Unger Suspicion

Meet Lisa, the One Person in All of Manitoba Who Doesn’t Have Covid Right Now

April 30, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Lisa, a third-year Mennonite Studies student from Winnipeg has recently been discovered as the only person in the entire province who doesn’t have Covid right now. “My cousin Sam has it, all of […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Sells Margarine Container to Elon Musk for $44 Billion

April 29, 2022 Andrew

FRESNO, CA After months of heated negotiation, Mrs. Eleanor Brandt of Fresno just sold her top margarine container to investor Elon Musk for a record $44 billion. “He took it no questions asked,” said Mrs […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Plans to Totally Fe’schlucke Herself Friday Night

April 28, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Area woman Alice Braun has been anticipating the ‘Mennonites Laughing’ event at McNally Robinson on Friday night and is already fe’schlucking herself in preparation. “Andrew Unger? Armin Wiebe? Even Corny Rempel yet?” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Passes “Auntie Jen” Test

April 27, 2022 Andrew

ST. CATHARINES, ON There was much celebration in the Janz household this weekend after Diane revealed two solid lines on her “Auntie Jen” test. “OMG, I’m going to be an auntie,” yelled excited sister Jennifer. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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