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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Daily Bonnet Book Mysteriously Discovered in Fiction Section

January 24, 2022 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Annie Loewen of Saskatoon was eager to spend her Christmas money at her local McNally Robinson Booksellers this weekend, but had real trouble finding that Daily Bonnet book anywhere. “I looked all over […]

Unger Games

Djokovic Retires from Tennis to Take on Trucking Job in Canada

January 23, 2022 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON After dominating the sport of tennis for the past two decades, Novak Djokovic plans to use his immense talents to single-handedly solve the supply chain problem in Canada. “Got my Class 1 license […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Women Concerned Daughter Might Be In Some Sort of Cult

January 22, 2022 Andrew

FRESNO, CA After seeing a number of “concerning social media postings” in the past few days, Mrs. Dierdre Janzen, 71, of Fresno has consulted with the elder board and determined that her daughter Audrey is […]

Unger Suspicion

Putin and Biden to Form New Metal Band ‘Minor Incursion’

January 21, 2022 Andrew

MOSCOW, RUSSIA After high level talks this weekend, Russian President Vladimir Putin has decided to team up with his American counterpart Joe Biden in a “new heavy metal side project called Minor Incursion.” “We’ve only […]

Unger & Thirst

Winkler Supermarket Starts Selling Liquor to Convince Mennonites to Cover Their Faces

January 20, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Earlier this week Winkler’s favourite grocery store Seea Goot Mart added vodka and rum to store shelves in an effort to convince locals to cover their faces like they’re supposed to. “I guess […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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