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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Harry and Anita Dyck Celebrate 50th Wedding Anniversary

July 25, 2022 Andrew

ALTONA, MB More than 100 Dycks gathered at the Altona Bergthaler Chortitzer MB Brethren Church this weekend to eat vereniki and celebrate the golden wedding anniversary of Harry and Anita Dyck. “I’m so glad you’ve […]

Unger Suspicion

“It’s all starting to taste like Mennonite food!” Says Joe Biden After Losing Sense of Taste and Smell

July 24, 2022 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC White House physicians are getting really concerned after President Joe Biden has started to complain that all the rich and spicy food he was eating was starting to taste “as bland as Mennonite […]

Unger Games

Argos Destroy Patriots 28-5

July 23, 2022 Andrew

BOSTON, MA In a rare cross-border match last night, the CFL’s Toronto Argonauts embarrassed the New England Patriots by a score of 28 to 5. “We were down by three touchdowns in the 7th inning. […]

Unger Suspicion

Manitobans Required to Lounge Around in Towels and Pretend the Whole Province is One Big Sauna

July 22, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Due to a recent heat wave, the entire province of Manitoba has been declared one massive sauna and all residents are being asked to strip down to the bare essentials and laze about […]

Unger Suspicion

Saskatchewan Man Insists His Province is “Not that Flat” and You’re Just Seeing the Boring Part from the Highway

July 21, 2022 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Local man Al Wiens, 61, wants to assure all his out-of-town guests this summer that Saskatchewan is nothing at all like it appears to be from the Trans-Canada Highway. “Squint a little and […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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