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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Invokes Emergencies Act to Remove Husband from Bathroom

February 24, 2022 Andrew

BLACK CREEK, BC After her husband Dan had “been on the can for more than an hour,” Mrs. Susan Kliewer of Black Creek declared the Emergencies Act. “My gosh, I bet he’s reading back issues […]

Unger Suspicion

Lindsey “Loewen” Reveals We’ve Been Spelling and Saying Her Name Wrong the Whole Time

February 23, 2022 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Mean Girls star Lindsey Loewen revealed today in her TikTok debut that she’s actually Kleine Gemeinde from Taber (via Cuauhtémoc) and we’ve all been spelling and saying her name wrong the whole time. “It’s Loe-wen […]

Unger Conviction

Winkler Area Church to Meet in Bouncy Castle

February 22, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Having outgrown the capacity of a nearby storage shed, a Winkler area church has decided to relocate the entire congregation to a bouncy castle they’ve inflated on the Kroeker yard. “Oh, look, a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Refuses to Clean Up Dishes Until He Gets Meeting with Prime Minister

February 21, 2022 Andrew

ST. CATHARINES, ON The dishes are really piling up at the Peters house this week after Clint Peters, 57, of St. Catharines staged a one-man protest and refused to do any chores until Justin Trudeau […]

The Daily Bonnet

A List of Prominent Mennonites on Leaked Convoy Donor List

February 20, 2022 Andrew

Thanks to a mysterious package left in the church mailbox this morning, The Daily Bonnet has obtained a complete list of convoy donors and, surprise surprise, there are a few prominent Mennos on the list. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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