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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Sunday School Class to Discuss Ethics of Doing ‘Cash Jobs’

August 6, 2022 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB The Eastside Grunthal MCB church will be discussing the ethics of dudes doing jobs for cash in the Sunday morning adult Sunday school class. “Okay, so Garth over there offered to give me […]

Unger & Thirst

Biblical Literalist Accidentally Eats Shellfish

August 5, 2022 Andrew

SEMINOLE, TX Area man James Dyck, who normally prides himself in his undying commitment to his own inerrant interpretation of Scripture, found himself in quite the pickle this afternoon at the local Red Lobster. “It […]

Unger Conviction

Chaste Young Mennonites Pledge to Save Hymnal-Sharing for Marriage

August 4, 2022 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS Thousands of young Mennonites at the annual ‘Chaste Your Future’ event came forward at the end of a stirring sermon by youth pastor Dan and pledged to save hymnal-sharing for marriage. “I know […]

Unger Games

All 3 Remaining Commonwealth Countries Guaranteed Medals in Every Sport

August 3, 2022 Andrew

BIRMINGHAM, UK All 3 or whatever remaining Commonwealth countries will be guaranteed a medal in every event this summer as they compete to see who’s the best at sports amongst these several nations. “More than […]

Unger Conviction

World’s Coolest Mennonite Pastor Wears Fox Racing Hoodie to Church

August 2, 2022 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB In an effort to bring back the crowds, local Pastor Dan will be sporting a camo Fox Racing hoodie from now until church attendance is back to normal. “I might throw in a […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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