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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

“Zellers ain’t good enough!” Mennonites Demand Return of SAAN Stores

August 19, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB While there was some level of excitement for the return of Zellers stores, Mennonites across the Prairies are demanding the return of the even cheaper SAAN stores as well. “The only place that […]

The Daily Bonnet

Friesen Population Set to Pass 8 Billion ‘Any Day Now’

August 18, 2022 Andrew

ALTONA, MB According to a UN study, the Friesen population is projected to reach 8,000,000,000 within days. The Friesen Population Clock was at 7.97 billion this week and statisticians are on pins and needles waiting […]

Unger Suspicion

Lisa LaFlamme Offered Job at The Daily Bonnet

August 17, 2022 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON After being unceremoniously fired this week, former CTV news anchor Lisa LaFlamme has been offered a job hosting a new 11 o’clock Daily Bonnet broadcast which promises, for the very first time, to […]

Unger & Thirst

7-11 Introduces New ‘Mennonite Slurpee’

August 16, 2022 Andrew

ROSENGART, MB The yerba mate will be flowing like frozen Papsi this summer, as more than a dozen 7-11 stores in the Pembina Valley darpa will be offering a new product known as the ‘Mennonite […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Bureau of Investigations Raids Indiana Mansion

August 14, 2022 Andrew

ELKHART, IN More than a dozen buggies full of angry-looking Mennonites pulled up at the Elkhart, Indiana mansion of former General Mennonite Brethren Conference USA moderator, Donald J. Troyer, this week. “The MBI has credible […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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