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Articles by Andrew

Unger Games

Canadian Supreme Court Rules ‘Curling is a Real Sport’

October 4, 2022 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON In a 6-3 decision, the Supreme Court of Canada ruled today that “curling is actually a real sport, eh.” “Weighing all the evidence, it’s quite clear that curling is a sport,” said Judge […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Writer Stuck in Goshen After Missing Last Buggy Out of Town

October 3, 2022 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN The population of Goshen, Indiana soared to 34,518 this weekend, a full one person higher than the 2020 census, after Mennonite/s Writing conference attendee Andrew Unger lost track of time and missed the […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Unveils New “Choir of the Runny Noses”

October 2, 2022 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON After two years of suppressing every cough, sneeze, and sniffle, the folks at Third Mennonite Church of Kitchener have decided to let it all out and make a joyful noise unto the Lord. […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Food Critic Demands Larger Portions

October 1, 2022 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK World-renowned Mennonite food critic Klaus Barkman has been hitting the streets of Saskatoon this week to ask one question, “does portion size really matter?” “The results shocked me. Menno after Menno said, oba, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Bookstore Sets Up “Meet a Real Mennonite” Booth

September 29, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Winnipegers were given a rare opportunity to “meet a real live Mennonite” at a local Indigo store this past week. “I’m very excited. It’s not every day I get to meet a real […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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