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Articles by Andrew

Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Fired from Volunteer Job that Doesn’t Pay Anything

May 27, 2023 Andrew

SCHANZHIMMEL, SK Area woman Ruth Kehler, 76, has been fired from her job that doesn’t pay anything for apparently talking too much when she should have been ripping up denim jeans. “If you’re going to […]

Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Fined by Airline for Trying Baggage Hack of Wearing All Her Clothes

May 25, 2023 Andrew

ST. CATHERINE’S, ON Mrs. Berg of St. Catherine’s, Ontario received a $606 fine after attempting to board her Air Canada flight to Kitchener this afternoon wearing all her clothes. “Got any bags to check?” said […]

Daily Bonnet

10 Mennonite Novels that Should Definitely Be Banned

May 24, 2023 Andrew

2023 has seen a huge spike in book banning all over the world and we’ve even seen the trend reach the shores of southern Manitoba. Of course, we’re the ones who practically invented book banning, […]

Unger the Influence

Liberals Update Passport to Include Sausages from Across Canada

May 23, 2023 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Fears that the new Canadian passport would be a little too bland for the tastes of Canadians were proved to be unfounded this week after the Liberal government revealed a new sausage-filled passport. […]

Unger Games

Meet the Plett Brothers: The Last Remaining Fans Still Watching the NHL this Season

May 22, 2023 Andrew

TABER, AB After searching long and hard all across the country, researchers have found two Mennonite dudes who apparently didn’t know hockey was over for the season. The two remaining hockey fans are Jeremy Plett, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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