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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Funeral Movie ‘The Burial’ Shocks Audiences with Sheer Lack of Pickles

October 18, 2023 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Producers of the highly-anticipated Mennonite funeral thriller The Burial have opted to stretch the truth a little and remove all references to pickles and/or raisin buns from the movie. “Oba, a movie about the […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman’s Lifetime Collection of Souvenir Teaspoons Sells for a Whopping 35 Cents

October 17, 2023 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Since starting her collection in 1964, area woman Doris Toews has amassed a collection of more than 3000 souvenir teaspoons. Well, this week the Toews Collection went on the auction block and smashed […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Opts for Incontinental Breakfast

October 16, 2023 Andrew

GRAND FORKS, ND In what has been described as the most inadvisable breakfast order of the decade, Pete Wiens of Morden became the first customer at the Come On Down Inn in Grand Forks to […]

Unger & Thirst

Area Man Tries Real Mexican Coke for the First Time

October 15, 2023 Andrew

WINKLER, MB For decades, Steinbach man Dave Harder, 43, had been content to drink inferior Canadian or American Coca Cola. That all changed this week, however, as Harder finally got a taste of real Mexican […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Brings Pet Alligator to Church

October 13, 2023 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Diehard churchgoer David Bender showed up at Fifth Mennonite Church of Lancaster this past Sunday with an unusual guest – his “spiritual support” alligator. “His name is Stanley,” explained Bender. “Named after Mr. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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