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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Introduces New ‘Dunkel’ Schmaunt Fat

September 27, 2023 Andrew

WINKLER, MB In what has already been hailed as the greatest innovation in Mennonite culinary history, area woman Lois Braun, 57, introduced a new dark, more robust schmaunt fat at the church potluck this week. […]

Unger the Influence

House Speaker Rota Utterly Bewildered During ‘Axis and Allies’ Game

September 26, 2023 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Moments after resigning his post as Speaker of the House, Liberal MP Anthony Rota was spotted in sweatpants at the weekly ‘Axis and Allies’ games night held at Justin Trudeau’s bachelor pad. “Wait, […]

Unger Games

Canadian Swifties Demand Taylor Date at Least One CFL Star

September 25, 2023 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After word got out that Taylor Swift was dating NFL star Travis Kelce, north-of-the-border Swifties are demanding that she “stop ignoring our league.” “What has she got against Canadian football? There’s a lot […]

Unger Games

Curling Match Cancelled After Mennonite Men Refuse to Cast the First Stone

September 23, 2023 Andrew

ALTONA, MB The curling season in Altona, Manitoba has been postponed this weekend after Mr. Plett and Mr. Kroeker both refused to cast the first stone. “I blame Pastor Ron,” said local curling fan Dave […]

The Daily Bonnet

David Bergen Discovers Long Lost Twin Brother Maurice Mierau

September 22, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The crowd at the McNally Robinson atrium last night were left in a state of confusion after two men appeared on stage, each bearing an uncanny resemblance to author David Bergen.  “Apparently one […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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