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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Brings Pet Alligator to Church

October 13, 2023 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Diehard churchgoer David Bender showed up at Fifth Mennonite Church of Lancaster this past Sunday with an unusual guest – his “spiritual support” alligator. “His name is Stanley,” explained Bender. “Named after Mr. […]

Unger Conviction

An Anglican Church is Now the Largest Mennonite Church in Winnipeg

October 12, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB According to the latest statistics, the largest and fastest growing Mennonite church in Winnipeg is St. Margaret’s Anglican. “While some denominations saw a decline in recent years, we here in the Mennonite church […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man is Completely ‘Full of Schmidt’

October 11, 2023 Andrew

NIPAWIN, SK Area man Abe Schmidt, 61, had drawn considerable attention as of late for his social media posts, which friends and family say are “completely full of Schmidt.” “The guy is not a reliable […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Seniors Rush to Grab Free Eggplants in Lobby

October 10, 2023 Andrew

ALTONA, MB As soon as the residents of Golden Mennos Retirement Home saw on their lobby-cams that someone had dropped off free eggplants, there was a wild dash to the lobby. “Argh, Mrs. Kroeker always […]

The Daily Bonnet

Slow-Moving Mennonite Backs Up Traffic on the Yellowhead for Miles

October 9, 2023 Andrew

FOAM LAKE, SK Dave Epp was somewhere halfway between Saskatoon and Winnipeg this weekend, when he realized that for some strange reason there was a trail of cars behind him. “Waut de schissjat is going […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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