SAN FRANCISCO, CA
With the trade war heating up, Donald Trump recently announced he would be reopening Alcatraz with the sole purpose of imprisoning Canadians who’ve hurt his feelings on social media.
“Cross the border with a Trump meme on your phone and its straight to Alcatraz for you!” said White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt, “and I don’t mean on the tourist boat.”
The cost to reopen Alcatraz is estimated to cost $165 billion, completely wiping out the savings made by recent DOGE cuts.
“But it’ll all be worth it with those nasty Canadians behind bars,” said Leavitt. “Best of all, I’ve heard most Canadians don’t even know how to swim.”
Canadians were apparently undisturbed by the announcement saying they’ll just wait until winter and skate across the San Francisco Bay.
