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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Kids Forced to Recite Poem in Order to Get Christmas Present

December 17, 2024 Andrew

ROSETOWN, MB Young Steven Froese of Rosetown found himself without a poem or Bible verse to share at the gathering this Christmas, which resulted in the six-year-old going home completely empty handed. “Ugh, I guess […]

Unger Suspicion

Katy Perry and Justin Trudeau Caught on Jumbotron at Coldplay Concert

July 29, 2025 Andrew

MONTREAL, QC Chris Martin is really on a role it seems. This evening, the Coldplay singer spotted pop star Katy Perry arm-in-arm with former Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. “They ducked out of sight pretty […]

Unger Suspicion

New Jurassic Park Movie Climaxes with Explosive Debate in Morden Over Existence of Dinosaurs

July 27, 2025 Andrew

MORDEN, MB In the new reboot of the Jurassic Park franchise, producers have decided to set the movie in Morden and include the most intimidating villain of all time, a group of zealous fundamenalists trying […]

Unger & Thirst

Epic Fail as Mennonite Woman Tries to Make Schmaunt Fat with Skim Milk

July 26, 2025 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mrs. Martens was in a hurry this afternoon and didn’t have time to extract the necessary cream from her dairy cow Daisy. Instead, she made her schmaunt fat using the skim milk she […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Pastors Make Statement With ‘Pay Us What You Owe Us’ T-Shirts

July 25, 2025 Andrew

ELKHART, IN Fed up with meagre salaries that barely pay the rent, Mennonite pastors across the nation have been sporting snazzy new T-shirts as a form of protest. “It’s bad enough he’s wearing such casual […]

Unger Suspicion

Deceased Mennonite Man Shocked to Encounter Ozzy Osbourne

July 24, 2025 Andrew

HEAVEN Pastor David Thiessen, who passed away more than 30 years ago, was shocked to discover that heavy metal icon Ozzy Osbourne had joined him in Heaven this week. “I’m more than a little surprised, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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