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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Kids Forced to Recite Poem in Order to Get Christmas Present

December 17, 2024 Andrew

ROSETOWN, MB Young Steven Froese of Rosetown found himself without a poem or Bible verse to share at the gathering this Christmas, which resulted in the six-year-old going home completely empty handed. “Ugh, I guess […]

Unger Suspicion

Climber Scales Credit Union Building Without Safety Gear

January 27, 2026 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB World-renowned climber Alex Honnold has just accomplished the greatest feat of his career—free soloing the credit union building in Steinbach. “No one ever thought it could be done,” said climbing enthusiast Steve Kliewer. […]

Unger the Influence

“Up is Down” and “Down is Up” New Report Suggests

January 26, 2026 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC A new report out of the nation’s capital this weekend suggests north is south, east is west, and up is down. “Rather than burdening each citizen with the arduous task of looking into […]

Unger the Influence

GTA Prepares for Largest Deposit of Snow Since the Rob Ford Administration

January 25, 2026 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Residents of the Greater Toronto Area are bracing themselves for what meteorologists are calling the “largest accumulation of snow since Rob Ford was around.” “Oh, geez, that’s a lot of snow,” said Mississauga […]

Unger the Influence

Every American School to be Supplied with their Very Own Dairy Cow

January 24, 2026 Andrew

MIAMI, FL After rolling out a test run at primary schools in Miami, Florida this week, the White House announced plans to provide every school in the country with a dairy cow and a Mennonite […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Gets Standing Ovation in Switzerland

January 22, 2026 Andrew

DAVOS, SWITZERLAND An unexpected speech from the first man to rebaptize someone as an adult, drew a standing ovation at the World Economic Forum in Switzerland this week. “Wow, that’s quite the reception,” said Conrad […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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