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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Kids Forced to Recite Poem in Order to Get Christmas Present

December 17, 2024 Andrew

ROSETOWN, MB Young Steven Froese of Rosetown found himself without a poem or Bible verse to share at the gathering this Christmas, which resulted in the six-year-old going home completely empty handed. “Ugh, I guess […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man with Million-dollar Tractor Stakes a Stand Against “Pride”

June 13, 2026 Andrew

WINKLER, MB With Pembina Valley Pride hosting their first ever rally in Winkler this afternoon, some locals are upset, saying that even the name of the organization is a problem. “I mean, people can live […]

Unger Games

Conflict-Averse Mennonites Getting Really Into Soccer to Watch All the Ties

June 12, 2026 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Thousands of Mennonites across Canada were relieved this afternoon after Canada ended their match with Croatia in a tie. “That way no one goes home happy,” said Pete Dyck of Kitchener. “You know, […]

Unger Games

Every Self-Respecting Mennonite Cheering for Paraguay in World Cup Opener Friday

June 11, 2026 Andrew

LOS ANGELES, CA Every single Mennonite on the planet will be cheering on Paraguay as they face off against the Americans in the World Cup opener this Friday evening. “They’ll be cheering in Spanish. They’ll […]

Unger Suspicion

Ottawa to Ban Social Media for Kids and Replace it with Hinterland Who’s Who

June 10, 2026 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON The Mark Carney government has plans to ban social media for all children under the age of 16. “But don’t you worry, kids,” said Carney. “We’ve got plenty to keep you entertained. Starting […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Super Excited to Eat These Noah’s Ark Cookies

June 9, 2026 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Area man Benny Goertzen saw these delicious Noah’s Ark cookies at a local bake sale this month and immediately had to try them. “Love the colours. Love the rainbows. These look absolutely delicious,” […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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