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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Kids Forced to Recite Poem in Order to Get Christmas Present

December 17, 2024 Andrew

ROSETOWN, MB Young Steven Froese of Rosetown found himself without a poem or Bible verse to share at the gathering this Christmas, which resulted in the six-year-old going home completely empty handed. “Ugh, I guess […]

Unger the Influence

Danielle Smith Adds Canadian Constitution to Alberta’s Banned Books List

October 29, 2025 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Alberta Premier Danielle Smith held a massive bonfire outside the provincial legislative building this week to destroy any remaining copies of the Constitution of Canada. “Had my goons find every copy they could,” […]

Unger Conviction

In Honour of Blue Jays, Mennonite Pastor to Preach Epic 18-Inning Sermon this Sunday

October 28, 2025 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Pastor Dave of South Leamington Mennonite Church is gearing up for his longest sermon yet this upcoming Sunday. “You can’t say I didn’t warn you,” said Pastor Dave, “but those Blue Jays are […]

Unger Suspicion

Abbotsford Woman Blamed for All This Rain in Winnipeg

October 27, 2025 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Abbotsford woman Stephanie Friesen has come under a hailstorm of controversy this week after apparently bringing the west coast’s rainy weather with her to Winnipeg. “I haven’t used an umbrella in October in […]

Unger Games

Ford Demands Blue Jays Throw World Series in Effort to Repair Canada-US Relations

October 25, 2025 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After an apparent gaff in running an ad that accurately represented Ronald Reagan’s views on tariffs, Ontario Premier Doug Ford is now asking the Blue Jays to “let them have this one,” in […]

Unger the Influence

White House Ends Trade Talks with Canada Over Alex P. Keaton Commercial

October 24, 2025 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC The White House is fuming this week after the government of Ontario used the image of beloved Family Ties character Alex P. Keaton to promote an anti-tariff message. “Tariffs are a longstanding American […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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