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Month: July 2026

Unger Games

Mennonite Soccer Fans Devastated as England “Fe’schluckes” Yet Again

July 15, 2026 Andrew

ATLANTA, GA Mennonite soccer fans across South America were cheering against Argentina this afternoon, only for England to totally “fe’schlucke” at the last minute. “Diewel, I’ve never seen a team fe’schlucke themselves like that before,” […]

Unger Suspicion

Folk Fest Attendee Sells Spot in the Shade for $500 a Square Foot

July 14, 2026 Andrew

BIRDS HILL PARK, MB Area man Wally Dueck, 51, made almost $200,000 selling highly-desirable spots in the shade at the Winnipeg Folk Festival this weekend. “Hey, you look a little sun-stroked there, now, don’t you?” […]

Unger Suspicion

Thousands of Canadians Flock to Mexico to Cool Off this Summer

July 13, 2026 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO Thousands of Canadians have decided to vacation in Mexico this summer to escape the oppressive heat of Canada. “Ahhh, it’ll be so nice to get out of Winnipeg for once during the summer […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Women are Shedding their Düaks During Heat Wave

July 12, 2026 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Thousands of Mennonite woman descended AD Penner Park this afternoon to watch the local EMMC-EMC-MC slo-pitch tournament, but soon found they had to make a few adjustment to their attire. “Oba, I’ve experienced […]

Unger Games

White Sox to Feature All-Mennonite Starting Lineup

July 11, 2026 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Hours after Winkler’s-own Tristan Peters was named a 2026 American League All-Star, the Chicago White Sox announced they’d be replacing all the other players with good hearty farm boys from southern Manitoba. “Hey, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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