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Month: July 2026

Unger Games

Soccer Player Gets Red Card for Yawning

July 10, 2026 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Guillermo Toews, a soccer player from Paraguay, got FIFA’s first ever red card for yawning this week after appearing visibly bored during his match against Turkey. “Hey, if the fans are bored that’s […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Gather at Bird’s Hill for Annual Winnipeg Falk Fest

July 9, 2026 Andrew

BIRD’S HILL PARK, MB If you’re looking for tickets to the annual Vanapag Falk Festival, you are out of luck as the Falk Fest announced they were all sold out for the weekend. “Oba, Ruth, […]

Unger & Thirst

World Cup Tourists Fall in Love With Schmaunt Fat

July 8, 2026 Andrew

KANSAS CITY, MO World Cup fans from across the globe are coming home with a lot more than just the satisfaction of watching the Americans get absolutely destroyed by Belgium; they’re also discovering a delicious […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Woman Struggles to Keep Dandelions, Quackgrass, and AI Data Centres Out of Her Garden This Year

July 7, 2026 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC Area woman Doris Reimer, 74, has planted a lovely array of daisies and dillweed this year, but has struggled to keep the weeds and AI data centres out of her garden. “I’m out […]

Unger Games

FIFA Agrees to Let Trump Officiate Tonight’s World Cup Match

July 6, 2026 Andrew

SEATTLE, WA After a last second phone call from Donald Trump, FIFA President Gianni Infantino has agreed to let the US President act as head referee for tonight’s match in Seattle. “He knows so much […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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