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Month: July 2026

Unger & Thirst

Area Couple Enjoys Delicious Meal of Authentic Mennonite Food

July 21, 2026 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Local couple Diane and Pete Kroeker decided they’d go for some authentic Mennonite food this evening, so naturally they went to their favourite Indian restaurant. “What were you expecting? Vereniki and schmaunt fat?” […]

Unger Suspicion

Christopher Nolan Casts Pacifist Mennonite Farmer as Odysseus

July 20, 2026 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Director Christopher Nolan has stirred up controversy for his casting decisions yet again this week after replacing Matt Damon with 83-year-old retired Mennonite farmer/minister David Unrau. Unrau will star as legendary Greek hero […]

Unger Suspicion

US Strikes Iran With Their Most Powerful Weapon: Taco Bell Lettuce

July 19, 2026 Andrew

TEHRAN, IRAN The United States has hit Iran with the most dangerous weapon in its arsenal: Taco Bell lettuce. “If you don’t open the Strait of Hormuz immediately, we’re going to bombard you with Taco […]

The Daily Bonnet

Trump to Fence Off the Border to Keep Out Canadian Smoke

July 18, 2026 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC President Donald Trump has just approved the expenditure of $81 billion to construct a wooden fence along the border to keep Canadian smoke from entering the country. “They’re not sending their best smoke, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Lucks Out With New Licence Plate

July 16, 2026 Andrew

This is real. I know, I don’t report real news very often. A good Mennonite would never purchase a vanity plate, but, hey, when you can get one for free, why not? I guess we […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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