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Month: February 2024

Unger Conviction

Nation Eliminates Poverty with $100 Million Investment in Jesus Commercials

February 13, 2024 Andrew

LAS VEGAS, NV The United States of America is close to becoming the first country on earth to eliminate poverty this week after the airing of a $100 million Super Bowl commercial that, apparently, promots […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Rock Fans Celebrate 50 Years of ‘Jantsied of the Moon’

February 12, 2024 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Closeted Mennonite rock fans held a clandestine meeting in the back room at Topper’s Restaurant this week to commemorate 50 years of the seminal 1973 album Jantsied of the Moon by ‘Pink’ Floyd […]

Unger Games

Super Bowl Fans Accuse Taylor Swift of Distracting from the Commercials

February 11, 2024 Andrew

LAS VEGAS, NV It’s Super Bowl Sunday and that means millions of people will be on the edge of their seats to catch a glimpse of Taylor Swift. For some, however, Taylor’s presence just distracts […]

Unger & Thirst

10 Hottest Mennonite Spices Ranked in Order of Spiciness

February 10, 2024 Andrew

As any historian can tell you, when Menno Simons broke off from the Catholic church several centuries ago, he started a new sect dedicated to non-violence, adult baptism, and an abnormal obsession with spicy food. […]

Unger Games

Thrift Stores All Out of Fur Coats After Streveler Signing

February 9, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB There were lineups outside thrift stores across the province this week after the Blue Bombers re-signed cigar-chomping fur-wearing quarterback Chris Streveler. “I haven’t seen this kind of demand for used fur coats since […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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