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Month: October 2023

The Daily Bonnet

Funeral Turns Into Mennonite Family Gathering

October 21, 2023 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC For the first time in almost three decades, all the Epps were gathered in the very same church gymnasium. “Ahh, it’s so nice to see all the Epps in once place,” said John […]

Unger the Influence

Mennonites Excited to Finally Have a Wiebe in the Cabinet

October 19, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Wiebes from across Manitoba gathered at various Chicken Chef locations this week to celebrate the ascendancy of Concordia MLA Matt Wiebe to the provincial cabinet. “We’ve had a Goertzen in the cabinet and […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Funeral Movie ‘The Burial’ Shocks Audiences with Sheer Lack of Pickles

October 18, 2023 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Producers of the highly-anticipated Mennonite funeral thriller The Burial have opted to stretch the truth a little and remove all references to pickles and/or raisin buns from the movie. “Oba, a movie about the […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman’s Lifetime Collection of Souvenir Teaspoons Sells for a Whopping 35 Cents

October 17, 2023 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Since starting her collection in 1964, area woman Doris Toews has amassed a collection of more than 3000 souvenir teaspoons. Well, this week the Toews Collection went on the auction block and smashed […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Opts for Incontinental Breakfast

October 16, 2023 Andrew

GRAND FORKS, ND In what has been described as the most inadvisable breakfast order of the decade, Pete Wiens of Morden became the first customer at the Come On Down Inn in Grand Forks to […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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