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Month: August 2022

Unger Suspicion

In Solidarity with Lisa LaFlamme, Restaurant to Put One Grey Hair in Every Bowl of Chili

August 26, 2022 Andrew

ETOBICOKE, ON In an act of incredible bravery and profound solidarity with recently ousted CTV anchor Lisa LaFlamme, one local restaurant will be replacing the occasional brown or blonde hair in their famous bowls of […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Urge Joe Biden to Forgive Their Sunday School Expenses

August 25, 2022 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Upwards of three thousand angry Mennonites descended on Washington this week to demand that Joe Biden pay for the complete cost of all the “Elmer’s glue, popsicle sticks, and flannel pictures of the […]

Unger & Thirst

Paper Straw Totally Disintegrates Before Mennonite Man Gets to the Bottom of His Papsi

August 24, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Area man Art Brandt, 58, was enjoying a Papsi and Ravel at his favourite local burger joint this past week, when he discovered they were now offering paper straws instead of the ones […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Family Discovered Camping in Briercrest Parking Lot

August 23, 2022 Andrew

CARONPORT, SK The custodial crew at Briercrest Bible College and Seminary were in quite the state of shock this morning as they found that a whole nest of Mennonite families had pulled over for the […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Lusts After Another Man’s Plate of Food as it Passes

August 22, 2022 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Harry Ens of Fresno requested a private meeting with the pastor this week to discuss his propensity to lust after other men’s plates of food. “I can’t help myself,” said Ens. “Just as […]

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