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Month: January 2022

The Daily Bonnet

Oma Krahn Variant BA.2 to Be Named “Opa Krahn”

January 31, 2022 Andrew

GENEVA, SWITZERLAND Scientists announced in a press conference in Geneva this afternoon that the new Oma Krahn variant BA.2 would be known as Opa Krahn. “We talked to Oma and she said she was more […]

Unger Suspicion

Putin Promises to Use “Withdrawal Method”

January 30, 2022 Andrew

MOSCOW, RUSSIA Russian leader Vladimir Putin has reassured the global community that he plans to employ the “tried and true withdrawal method” during his upcoming Ukraine incursion. “Our best scientists have tested this method very […]

Unger Suspicion

Mark Zuckerberg Breaks Down, Admits He Has No Real Friends

January 27, 2022 Andrew

PALO ALTO, CA Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg has publicly acknowledged for the first time that he has not a single real friend. The news came as a shock to his millions of Facebook […]

Unger & Thirst

Area Man Mistakes Freedom Convoy for Timmies Line

January 27, 2022 Andrew

THUNDER BAY, ON Local man Dan Friesen, 51, was heading out for his daily double-double and chocolate cream glazed, when he entered what he thought was just the regular Timmies line. “I thought nothing of […]

Unger Suspicion

Joe Rogan Burns All His Neil Young Records

January 26, 2022 Andrew

NEWARK, NJ After legendary Canadian rock icon Neil Young threatened to pull his music from Spotify unless misinformationophile Joe Rogan left the platform, the UFC commentator/health expert has lashed out against Young by holding a […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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