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Month: June 2021

The Daily Bonnet

Vaccine “Lottery” Rebranded as Vaccine “Quilt Raffle” for Pious Southern Manitobans

June 9, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Not wanting to participate in anything resembling a “lottery”,  Mennonites of the Winker area have agreed to get the vaccine so long as their names are thrown into the hat for the quilt […]

Unger Suspicion

Manitoba’s Vaccine Passport Only Good for Trips to Costa Rica

June 8, 2021 Andrew

LIBERIA, COSTA RICA Manitoba’s new vaccine passport will provide fully vaccinated individuals with unrestricted travel to absolutely everywhere in the whole world between Nicaragua and Panama.  “Costa Rica yet? Oba, not even Vankla?” said a […]

Unger & Thirst

Winkler Pastor Finally Approves Going for Shots in Morden

June 7, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Pastor Dave has finally given the green light for Winklerites to “go have shots in Morden”. First in line was Susan Froese, 35, who had been waiting for this announcement for quite some […]

Unger Suspicion

Angry White Man Reports on All the Horrible Atrocities Facing Angry White Men These Days

June 6, 2021 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Without a touch of irony, local oil executive ‘Brommsch’ Klassen, 37, has been posting memes and poorly sourced articles about how bad things are for him and his buddies, all the while telling […]

The Daily Bonnet

New Facebook Algorithm Only Shows Posts from Your 26 Closest Frintschoft

June 5, 2021 Andrew

FRESNO, CA A study conducted in Fresno, California indicates that Facebook is now only showing posts from your 26 closest frintschoft and has completely blocked posts by Uncle Jake. “Blocking Uncle Jake is no loss, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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