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Month: April 2021

Unger Suspicion

Vaccinated 40-Year-Old Suddenly Has Kick-Ass Cell Phone Coverage

April 21, 2021 Andrew

VITA, MB When local farmer Dale Krause signed up to get vaccinated this week, he had no idea of all the added benefits the shot would bring. “Suddenly I’m getting a full four bars even […]

Unger Suspicion

Tragedy Befalls Mennonite Man After Not Liking and Sharing Anti-Trudeau Meme

April 20, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB After an unbroken streak of fifty-three days of inane manipulative meme-sharing, Mr. Hiebert neglected to like and share a political meme that he agreed with and was met with a fate worse than […]

Unger & Thirst

Canada-Wide Rogers Golden Syrup Outage Stretches on for Hours

April 19, 2021 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mennonites across the country were without Rogers Golden Syrup for more than five hours on Monday. “It’s a good thing it’s not a weekend when demand for Rogers Golden Syrup peaks,” said Doris […]

The Daily Bonnet

Ex-Mennonite Accidentally Leans Over Onto the Non-Shunned Table

April 18, 2021 Andrew

GRUENBACH, MB Peter Barkman, 41, left the church decades ago and found himself at a Barkman gathering this weekend where he was placed at the heathen table, which was right next to the other table […]

The Daily Bonnet

Area Woman Gets a Brand New Pair of ‘Mennonite High Heels’

April 17, 2021 Andrew

BURWALDE, MB After Tara Wiens, 31, of Burwalde took a shortcut to church this week, traipsing through a muddy field, she found she had managed to snag herself a fancy new pair of Mennonite High […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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