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Month: May 2020

The Daily Bonnet

Murder Hornets Not Nearly So Scary When You Call them ‘Mord wille Bie’

May 11, 2020 Andrew

YARROW, BC In an effort to get everyone to chill a little, local officials have started referring to the notorious murder hornets by their Plautdietsch name, which is seen to be more hilarious than scary. […]

Unger Suspicion

‘Amish Village at Night’ as Seen from International Space Station

May 9, 2020 Andrew

INTERCOURSE, PA The International Space Station has just posted stunning new photographs of a small Pennsylvania Amish village. “It’s amazing all the detail you can see from that distance,” said space station director Yuri Baranov. […]

Unger Suspicion

New ‘Plandemic’ Doc is the Comedy Smash Hit of the Season

May 8, 2020 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA It’s the number one comedy blockbuster of the spring: Plandemic! Starring the hilarious new comedy talent Judy Mikovits, who rivals Tina Fey and Melissa McCarthy in her rolling-on-the-floor laugh-out-loud hilarity. “I haven’t laughed […]

Unger Suspicion

“It was the most peculiar name we could come up with”: Elon Musk and Grimes Name New Baby ‘Corny’

May 7, 2020 Andrew

LOS ANGELES, CA Corny Musk was welcomed into the world last night, weighing in at a healthy three bags of knackzoat and two watermelon rinds. When his parents were asked why they gave their child […]

The Daily Bonnet

New Gun Control Laws Leave Local Man “Completely Defenceless” Against Government Armed with Tanks and Fighter Jets

May 7, 2020 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Local man Mr. Wiebe, who left the Mennonite Church decades ago to attend one more receptive to his gun-toting lifestyle, is just now starting to wonder whether his remaining collection of legal […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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