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Month: February 2020

Unger Suspicion

‘Rage Against the Machine’ Smashes Capitalism with $300 Concert Tickets

February 13, 2020 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB With ticket prices starting at $190 for nosebleed seats and soaring upwards from there, legendary leftist rap metal band Rage Against the Machine has successfully reached its target audience: the bourgeoisie. “We’ve always […]

Quizzes

The Miriam Toews Quiz!

February 12, 2020 Andrew

How much do you know about the writing career of Mennonite novelist Miriam Toews? [wp_quiz id=”10432″]

Unger Suspicion

Hollywood Actor Presented with Annual “Even More Self-Righteous than a Mennonite” Award

February 11, 2020 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA The annual Hollywood Self-Righteousness Awards were handed out on Sunday, with the top designation ‘Even More Self-Righteous than a Mennonite’ going to actor Joaquin Phoenix. “I’d like to thank the Academy of Unwarranted […]

The Daily Bonnet

People Keep Assuming Kansas Friesens are Secretly Canadian

February 10, 2020 Andrew

MEADE, KS The Friesens of Kansas have an announcement to make: “We’re not Canadians!” “Any time I go anywhere people assume I’m from Manitoba,” said Mr. Friesen. “Gosh, you know not all the Friesens left […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Grandpa Now Charging $8 for Five Minute Piggyback Ride

February 9, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB The entrepreneurial spirit of Mennonites will never die it seems, as Mr. Sawatzky of Winkler is now charging eight bucks a ride for a trip around the church lobby and back. “Your back […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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