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Month: August 2019

Unger & Thirst

Local Woman Gains Ten Pounds Just By Looking at Mennonite Food

August 21, 2019 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB Local woman Patricia Redekop found herself a little heavier this afternoon after merely glancing at the Tupperware container of leftovers that Mrs. Kornelsen brought to work. “There were eight cottage cheese perogies and […]

The Daily Bonnet

The 5 Best ASMR Videos for Mennonites!

August 20, 2019 Andrew

What the schissjat is ASMR? Well, I’m not really sure, but my cousin says she gets a tingly feeling by watching some vid-yos on the YouTubes. I said, ‘Nah, Maria, it doesn’t give such’ but […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Concerned She Might be Anglican

August 19, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A young Mennonite woman from Winnipeg has been wondering lately whether it just might be that she’s actually an Anglican. Miss Enns, 23, started having Anglican thoughts a few years ago and has […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonites Flock to Bob Ross Exhibit

August 18, 2019 Andrew

HENDERSON, NE More than a thousand Friesens and Penners flocked to an exhibit in Omaha this week by their very favourite painter Bob Ross. “Forget Picasso and Van Gogh. Bob Ross is the man for […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Meets His Buddies at the Pub for a Few Pints

August 17, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Mr. Heinrichs had a tough week and decided to ask his buddies Abe and Corny to go for a few pints at the local pub. Abe and Corny quickly agreed and so the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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