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Month: June 2019

Unger Conviction

Congregation Shocked as Guitarist Snaps a G String

June 25, 2019 Andrew

SALEM, OR Parishioners at the South Salem Mennonite Church were in shock this last week after song leader and guitarist Miss Horsch lost her G string right in the middle of “10,000 Reasons.” “I’ve never […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Winkler Humility’ March Offers Stark Contrast to ‘Morden Pride’

June 24, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Days after Morden’s first ever Pride march, a confused, yet earnest, Mennonite man from Winkler decided to hold a march of his own. “Jauma, those Mordeners, always so proud and smiling and having […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Spends Five Hours Selecting Watermelon

June 23, 2019 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Mrs. Fehr, 63, had to make sure she got just the right watermelon for her faspa this Sunday and so she spent more than five hours knocking, tapping, poking and shaking various melons […]

Unger Games

CFL Adds New ‘Mennonite Player Ratio’

June 22, 2019 Andrew

REGINA, SK In an effort to increase the diversity of the league, the Canadian Football League has just announced a new initiative that requires teams to have at least seven Mennonite players on the field […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Eager to Try New ‘Beyond Formavorscht’ Burger

June 21, 2019 Andrew

SCHTEINBACK, MB Eager to capitalize on the popular fake meat trend, local farmer sausage makers have come up with an enticing new product called ‘Beyond Formavorscht’, which, apparently tastes just like the real thing yet! […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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