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Month: May 2019

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Child Opens Lunch Box to Find a Lard Sandwich Yet Again Today

May 10, 2019 Andrew

HOCHFELD, SK Little Earl Petkau could hardly wait to open up his Patridge Family lunch box and search around to see what his mom had packed him. Unfortunately, Earl’s hopes were quickly dashed as mom […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Insists Sermon Isn’t Actually About You

May 9, 2019 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN After an impassioned sermon that covered a variety of topics from greed and vanity to lust and immodesty, Pastor Yoder was met with numerous angry parishioners in the lobby this week who thought […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Woman Dies While On Hold With Phone Company

May 8, 2019 Andrew

PANSY, MB Local woman Mrs. Goerzen passed away this week after a long and courageous battle to change her data package with her service provider. Goerzen was reportedly on hold with the company since early […]

Unger Conviction

Church Launches New Program: ‘Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner and Staying All Night?’

May 7, 2019 Andrew

NEWTON, KS The Newton New Mennonite Church has just launched an innovative new program meant to encourage church-goers to get to know each other better. In the program, members sign up to host perfect strangers […]

Unger & Thirst

Squeaky Cheese Curds Heard a Mile Away

May 6, 2019 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB Unbeknownst to Mr. Penner, his fresh squeaky cheese curds could be heard over a mile away at the Loewen farm. “I heard this squeaky sound and I knew instantly they must be […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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