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Month: January 2019

Unger Conviction

Church Cell Group Consists Mostly of Endoplasmic Reticulum

January 8, 2019 Andrew

CALGARY, AB A new scientific analysis from the University of Southern Alberta has demonstrated that the vast majority of church cell groups consist of nothing more than endoplasmic reticulum. “We were hoping to find some […]

Unger Suspicion

Petition Calls for Entire State of Minnesota to Join Canada

January 7, 2019 Andrew

ST. PAUL, MN Already at more than 7,000 signatures, a binding online petition, will see the entire state of Minnesota join its neighbour to the north when it reaches the 10,000 signature threshold. “I’ve always […]

The Daily Bonnet

Cousin Aggie Caught Flipping Two Cards at a Time Instead of Three

January 6, 2019 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Cousin Aganetha has been barred from ever attending another Sunday afternoon Dutch Blitz match after it was discovered she had been flipping over just two cards at a time from the “Wood Pile” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Completely Predictable Mennonite Couple Places Garbage Can Under the Sink

January 5, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB The first thing that newlyweds Andrew and Katie Unrau did when they moved into their new home in Winkler was put the garbage can under the sink “like it should be.” “There was […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Women Star in Hit New Series ‘The Real Housewives of Holmes County’

January 4, 2019 Andrew

HOLMES COUNTY, OH A hit new reality show has been streaming on television sets across the country this week. The show called ‘Real Housewives of Holmes County’ explores the outrageous wild lifestyles of Mrs. Weaver, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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