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Month: July 2017

Unger Suspicion

JK Rowling Releases Mennonite Harry Potter Book ‘Without All the Magic’

July 18, 2017 Andrew

LONDON, UK In an effort to make her books more appealing to a wider audience, best-selling author J.K. Rowling is releasing new edited versions of her popular Harry Potter books that removes all the witchcraft […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Woman Still Shops at Penner Foods

July 17, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Even though the store was bought out by Sobeys years ago, local woman Susie Wall, 85, remains one of only a handful of Steinbach residents who still insist on doing their grocery shopping at […]

The Daily Bonnet

Lancaster Hospital Opens New Wing to Deal with Dutch Blitz Injuries

July 17, 2017 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA The Central Mennonite Hospital in Lancaster, Pennsylvania is planning to open an $80 million wing dedicated to treating Dutch Blitz injuries. “After thousands of injuries in the past few years, and even a few […]

Unger Conviction

Pastor Mansplains for 40 Minutes this Morning

July 16, 2017 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN After a delightful special number from the Janz sisters, Pastor Greg took the podium this morning and mansplained his way through the entire fifth chapter of Ephesians. “Turn in your Bibles to the Book […]

The Daily Bonnet

Thousands of Mennonite Grandmas Expected at Today’s Pride Parade

July 15, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After the well publicized march last year, thousands of Grandmas from across southern Manitoba are expected to attend today’s second annual Pride event in Steinbach. “When I saw the pictures in the paper from […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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