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Month: December 2016

The Daily Bonnet

Friesen Woman to Become Froese

December 13, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Just as all the relatives expected, Alex Froese, 25, proposed to his girlfriend Samantha Friesen, 23, as soon as the snow fell this winter. The happy couple is planning a June wedding at which time […]

Unger & Thirst

Chinese Food Officially Mennonite’s Second Favourite

December 12, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB A new government of Canada survey has concluded that Americanized Chinese food is officially the second favourite cuisine of Canadian Mennonites. “Mennonite classics like formavorscht and borscht will always be number one,” said local […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Hatchimal’ Shortage Doesn’t Faze Resourceful Mennonite Mom

December 11, 2016 Andrew

MORDEN, MB This year’s hottest Christmas toy, the ‘Hatchimal’, features a big plastic egg that, with care and attention, hatches open and reveals a plush animal. The toy has become so popular that many stores are […]

Unger Conviction

Offering Plate is Always Mysteriously Empty After it Passes By Old Mr. Klassen’s Row

December 11, 2016 Andrew

ALT-BERGFELD, MB Ushers at Alt-Bergfeld Mennonite Church are baffled by how utterly empty the offering plate is whenever it passes by Mr. Klassen’s row. “We just can’t figure it out,” said Mr. Friesen. “I’ve ushered […]

The Daily Bonnet

Dad Kills Deer With the Car, Tells Horrified Children ‘Bambi’s Just Having Meddachschlop’

December 10, 2016 Andrew

REINLAND, MB On a family outing to Kenora this past weekend, local dad Arnold Koop of Reinland smacked right into a deer with the family Caravan. While the carnage seemed to horrify his young family, the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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