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Month: August 2016

Unger & Thirst

Vacant Safeway Store to Become One Massive Tim Hortons

August 8, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Empty since being purchased and shut down by national grocery chain Sobey’s, the old Safeway store in Steinbach is rumoured to be turned into Canada’s largest Tim Hortons restaurant. “There already is a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Grandma Rescued After Literally Knitting Herself Into a Corner

August 7, 2016 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Martha Toews, 91, of Kitchener was rescued by emergency personnel this weekend from her apartment at Greenhaven Manor after she had inadvertently knitted herself into a corner that she could not escape. “That’s […]

Unger & Thirst

New Steinbach Craft Brewer Forced By Law to Make Root Beer

August 6, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB As increasing numbers of people around the world abandon the flavourless swill produced by the large brewing companies, closet Mennonite drinkers, too, have been embracing smaller locally made craft beer. Steinbach, Manitoba, for […]

The Daily Bonnet

World Anabaptist Olympics Begin Today

August 5, 2016 Andrew

CURITIBA, BRAZIL More than three thousand Amish, Hutterite, and Mennonite athletes from around the world are descending on Curitiba, Brazil this week for the opening of the World Anabaptist Games. “We’re very excited that our […]

Unger Conviction

9 Pound Mennonite Baby Miraculously Born Three Months Premature

August 4, 2016 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Just six months after Peter and Elvira Doerksen were married in the Altona MCMB church, the couple experienced the miraculous birth of their firstborn son Timothy. “We’re really glad that he was a healthy […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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