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Month: August 2016

The Daily Bonnet

Lobby Group Promotes “Abstinence Only” Dance Education

August 18, 2016 Andrew

KALONA, IA A concerned group of Iowa Mennonites has met with the director of the Department of Education to request the inclusion of abstinence-only dance education in the state curriculum. “Total abstinence from dancing is the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Finds Money Mysteriously Left Behind on Restaurant Table

August 17, 2016 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Peter K. Barkman, 57, of the Winkler area hit the jackpot this past Tuesday as he found five quarters and a loonie inexplicably left behind on the table by previous restaurant patrons. “It’s my […]

Unger & Thirst

Man Unleashes String of Profanity After Being Served Roll Kuchen Without Corn Syrup

August 16, 2016 Andrew

HALBSTADT, MB Seniors at a church picnic this past Sunday had never heard such a sustained outburst of expletives as were unleashed by 83-year-old Wilmar F. Wiebe of Halbstadt after discovering he would have to consume […]

Unger Suspicion

Winnipeg Woman Embarks on Epic Thirty Minute Expedition to Steinbach

August 15, 2016 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Marco Polo, Thor Heyerdahl, Sir Francis Drake – these names are synonymous with exploration and adventure. Today we can add the name Alison Becker to the list, the daring young woman who, when visiting […]

Unger Suspicion

New Survey Suggests 8 out of 10 People Cannot Identify the Man in the Rio Statue

August 14, 2016 Andrew

RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL A recent New York Times survey on cultural literacy suggests that the vast majority of people have ‘no freakin’ clue’ who sits atop Corcovado Mountain in Rio de Janeiro. The survey showed […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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