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Unger Suspicion

Canadians Forced to Winter in Canada this Year

October 14, 2020 Andrew

TORONTO, ON For the first time in almost a hundred years, millions of Canadians will be forced to suffer through one of their own winters. “Diewel, if I had known it was this bad, I’d […]

Unger Suspicion

Forecast Calls for Nothing but Fog this Autumn

October 5, 2020 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Environment Canada is predicting fog to strike about 30 to 40 % of the adult population this season, unless you wear contacts or have one of those fancy face masks with the pinched […]

Unger Suspicion

Farmer’s Almanac Predicting Winter to Follow Autumn this Year

September 23, 2020 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN In its boldest seasonal projection yet, the Farmer’s Almanac is predicting that autumn 2020 will be followed swiftly by winter 2020, which will carry over into early 2021 and be followed by […]

The Daily Bonnet

Unseasonable Warmth Has Mennonites Flocking to the Pits

January 26, 2020 Andrew

HOCHSTEIN, MB As temperatures have risen well above freezing this week, Mennonites across southern Manitoba have been flocking to the local gravel pits for a swim. “Kjnels, don’t forget the zoat!” yelled Jakob Krahn, as […]

The Daily Bonnet

Vancouver Blizzard Blamed on Visiting Relatives from Manitoba

January 16, 2020 Andrew

VANCOUVER, BC By west coast standards, a couple centimetres of snow is a blizzard and can shut down a city. So when such significant weather patterns blanket the region, locals are quick to find someone […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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