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Unger Suspicion

Abbotsford Man Mortgages House to Pay for Bruce Springsteen Tickets

November 7, 2023 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC After hundreds of people called a fictional woman in a satirical article “stupid” for mortgaging her house to buy Taylor Swift tickets, satirist Andrew Unger decided to see if the same reaction would […]

Unger & Thirst

New Abbotsford AHL Team to Be Named the Knackzoats

June 30, 2021 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC With the announcement this week that the Vancouver Canucks AHL affiliate is moving to Abbotsford, the choice of names was an easy decision for the team. “We’ve got the Vancouver Canucks and dan […]

Unger Suspicion

Vancouver Heat Wave Blamed On Hot Air From Abbotsford

June 27, 2021 Andrew

VANCOUVER, BC As blistering temperatures rock the West Coast, Vancouverites are desperate to find a plausible explanation for this abnormal heat wave. It seems like they’ve finally discovered the source. “The hot air is believed […]

The Daily Bonnet

Vancouver Blizzard Blamed on Visiting Relatives from Manitoba

January 16, 2020 Andrew

VANCOUVER, BC By west coast standards, a couple centimetres of snow is a blizzard and can shut down a city. So when such significant weather patterns blanket the region, locals are quick to find someone […]

The Daily Bonnet

City of Abbotsford to be Renamed “Basically Vancouver”

July 22, 2019 Andrew

BASICALLY VANCOUVER, BC In a radical rebranding effort meant to accurately reflect the perceptions of outsiders, the city of Abbotsford, BC, recently passed a motion to rename the community Basically Vancouver. “We also considered More-or-Less […]

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