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Unger Conviction

Cellphone Ban Coming to Mennonite Churches this Fall

August 15, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB In a historic agreement, Mennonite denominations across the province have come together in a united front to ban all cellphones in church this fall. “Look we know the sermon’s boring, but we can’t […]

Unger Suspicion

Area Man’s Entire Job Consists of Deleting Stupid Irrelevant Emails

June 10, 2024 Andrew

CALGARY, AB 100% of area man Jeremy Goertzen’s 9 to 5 office job consists of looking through his emails and deleting all the crap. “I don’t do anything else,” said Goertzen, from his Calgary-area office […]

Unger & Thirst

Chips Blamed for Kicker’s Accuracy Problems

June 7, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The Canadian Football League announced big changes this afternoon after an abysmal performance by Blue Bombers kicker Sergio Castillo last night that was attributed to the presence of chips in the area. “From […]

The Daily Bonnet

Apple Calendar Forces Mennonite Woman to Celebrate Something Called ‘Tartan Day’

April 6, 2024 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK Area woman Erin Loewen, 29, was intrigued this week as she noticed a black dot on today’s date in her iPhone calendar. “Funny, I don’t recall scheduling anything for today,” said Loewen. […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Seniors Confuse Lobby Cam for OnlyFans

December 13, 2023 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK It seems that Smiling Menno Manor in Saskatoon just got their very own OnlyFans channel. Contractors just installed a camera in the lobby, which really had residents excited about the possibilities. “Just this […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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