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sports

The Daily Bonnet

Dodge Caravan Sets World Land Speed Record

August 13, 2017 Andrew

BONNEVILLE SALT FLATS, UT The Giesbrecht family of Grunthal, Manitoba has just set a new land speed record of more than 715 km/h (444 mph) at the Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah. With Mr. Peter Giesbrecht at […]

The Daily Bonnet

Cindy Klassen Spotted Wearing Skates at Beach

August 2, 2017 Andrew

GRAND BEACH, MB Legendary Olympic speed-skater Cindy Klassen took to the waters at Grand Beach this past week wearing the same pair of speed-skates she wore when she won 5 medals at the 2006 Turin […]

Unger Games

Sporadic Golfer Still Can’t Figure Out Why He Sucks At It

July 9, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local accountant Ed W. Friesen took to the links for the first time this season and soon became frustrated with his lack of prowess. After just two holes, where he scored a 9 and […]

The Daily Bonnet

Eastern Mennonite University Gets New Mascot

July 6, 2017 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA In an effort to more accurately represent the great Anabaptist tradition of the school, Eastern Mennonite University has decided to replace the Royal’s blue lion with an Australian emu. “We really feel the […]

Unger Games

Toronto Riots After Discovering It’s Not the Centre of Canada

June 26, 2017 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Toronto City Council held an emergency meeting this past week after a large ‘Centre of Canada’ sign was erected on the highway near the small town of Landmark, Manitoba. “What on earth is this?” asked […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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