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The Daily Bonnet

General Conference and Mennonite Brethren Form Joint Olympic Team

February 9, 2018 Andrew

PYEONGCHANG, SOUTH KOREA For the first time since the great schism of 1860, the General Conference and Mennonite Brethren will compete together in the Olympics under a unified flag. The United Mennonite Team is seen […]

Unger Games

Falling on Your Ass Only Known Way to Stop While Skating

February 7, 2018 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After centuries of skating, Canadians have mastered the art of maneuvering their bodies at high speeds on sheets of ice, but scientists are baffled by the fact that not a single one of […]

The Daily Bonnet

5 Things Mennonites Can Watch Instead of the Super Bowl

February 4, 2018 Andrew

The Daily Bonnet has teamed up with our friends over at Mennotoba to create this list of viewing alternatives to the Super Bowl. So while all your frintschoft are in the living room pretending to […]

Unger Conviction

Church Attendance “Way Up” in Calgary as Flames Threaten to Leave Town

January 26, 2018 Andrew

CALGARY, AB As the owners of the beloved Calgary Flames threaten to move the team to Houston or Seattle, tens of thousands of Calgarians have returned to church in order to “get right with the […]

Unger Games

Canadian Men’s Hockey Team is Mostly Just Random Dudes from Your Church Floor Hockey League

January 12, 2018 Andrew

BRANDON, MB The Canadian Olympic Men’s hockey team was announced Thursday and it turns out most of the guys are just random dudes from your church floor hockey league. “With the NHL boycotting the Olympics […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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