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Unger & Thirst

Argentina Runs Out of Yerba Mate Moments After World Cup Victory

December 18, 2022 Andrew

LA PAMPA COLONY, ARGENTINA After consuming more than 100 million kilos of yerba mate in just 90 minutes, the supply of green leafy tea in the World Cup champion nation of Argentina, is now completely […]

Unger Games

Mennonite Man Shuts Off Vikings Game at Half Time

December 17, 2022 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN Disgusted at his team’s performance, area man Pete Klassen shut off the TV at half time as his team was down 33-0. “Oba, I’ve had enough!” said Klassen tossing the remote control […]

The Daily Bonnet

Canadian Mennonites Upset as their Team, the Germans, are Eliminated from the World Cup

December 4, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Thousands of Mennonite soccer fans across Canada were really upset this week after the team they were really rooting for, the Germans, were eliminated from the World Cup yet again. “Ugh, typical Germany, […]

Unger Games

Generous Rider Fans Donate Unwanted Grey Cup Tickets to Local Thrift Store

October 23, 2022 Andrew

REGINA, SK After being eliminated from playoff contention this week, thousands of Saskatchewan Roughrider fans have been donating their unwanted Grey Cup tickets at local MCC thrift stores. “We’re getting in Grey Cup tickets by […]

The Daily Bonnet

Outreach Event Fails After Toronto Mennonite Church Hosts Actual Blue Jay Watching Party

October 8, 2022 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Hundreds of locals stormed out of the Toronto Disunited Mennonite Church this week after they showed up for what they thought was going to be Game 1 of the MLB playoffs. “They told […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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