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sin

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Can’t Figure Out What to Give Up for Lent Since Everything Fun is Already Forbidden

March 8, 2019 Andrew

INTERCOURSE, PA Mennonites across North America were baffled this week as other Christians were doing something called “Lent” for forty days. “Apparently they give up something pleasurable to God for forty days,” said Andrew Miller […]

Unger Conviction

Blood Moon ‘A Sign From God’ that the Reign of the Fundamentalist Mennonite Elders Has Come to an End

July 27, 2018 Andrew

BERGTHAL, MB Conservative Mennonites across North America are interpreting tonight’s blood moon as a ‘clear sign from God’ that they no longer have to follow the ‘bullshit rules’ of the elders and can now live […]

Quizzes

Quiz: Is it a sin or is it NOT a sin?

June 22, 2018 Andrew

Let’s face it, a lot of the stuff the elders claimed was sinful was just made up at a board meeting back in the 1960s sometime. Still, if you’ve been raised in a strict Mennonite […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Baker Has Long List of People He Refuses to Bake Cakes For

June 5, 2018 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Thousands of people have flocked to local baker Jakob Stauffer’s bakery in Fresno and gazed into the window at his delectable creations. Although many have seen his cakes, not a single person has […]

Unger Conviction

Entire Mennonite Town Becomes One Giant Escape Room

May 22, 2018 Andrew

NEUSCHANZENSCHULTZ, MB The small Mennonite village of Neuschanzenschultz, Manitoba has inadvertently become the world’s largest escape room after years of ostracizing and shunning any resident who steps out of line or thinks for themselves. “They […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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