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Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Allows Dancing Now that Everyone Has to Keep Six Feet Apart

March 25, 2020 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK Given the circumstances, even the strictest Mennonite churches have decided to relax the rules when it comes to dancing. Pastor Tom has decreed that since everyone has to keep six feet apart […]

Unger Conviction

Guilt Levels Reach Record Lows as Mennonites Stay Home on Sundays

March 24, 2020 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Mennonites around the globe were feeling a lot more chill about their behaviour than normal after not attending church services the past couple weeks. “It’s strange. I feel kind of free, you […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Points Out Speck of Sawdust in Brother’s Eye

February 4, 2020 Andrew

KIDRON, OH Mr. Hofstetter just couldn’t believe the size of the speck in Mr. Horst’s eye this week and made sure to point it out to him in the church lobby on Sunday. “Would you […]

Unger Conviction

Elders Warn that Morden, Manitoba is Full of ‘Aufjefollna’ Mennonites

November 17, 2019 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Cousin Pieta of Reinland was spotted cruising down the highway to Morden this past week and was immediately branded as ‘aufaulle‘ by the village purity committee. “Diestchlaund, that cousin Pieta, heading to Morden […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Confesses to Voting NDP

September 10, 2019 Andrew

REINLAND, MB Local man and former church deacon Mr. Rempel was forced to go up in front of his congregation this week and apologize after it was discovered he had voted NDP in two of […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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